July 25, 2008 Comments Off on WHEN EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP

Each of us has those moments of pure, utter helplessness. Of pure, utter weakness. Moments where we seem to think that everything is over, and that there is no way to get out of our predicament.

Sometimes, the thing with these predicaments, we try to hide them inside prerequisite, comforting phrases, or sayings, to up-heave the more primitive instinct lingering at the back of our heads. Anger, hate, denial… etc.

Nobody’s perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.

Yes no one is perfect. Most of us have chosen to believe that mistakes are a part of life. With these very comforting words, we can reason out that failure is not failure but only a bump on our proverbial road. Failure, is not something to be scared of, but something to look forward to. Everybody has those days. You face it. You live with it. Then you go on.

But then, it gets tiresome sometimes. There is a limit to how many times one can stand the un-glorious demise of success in their lives. And it’s in this moment that we see the comfort of giving up. We see it’s embracing arms waiting, as we fall back to it’s promise of defeat. We realize that pushing forward does nothing. We realize why some of us, after trying so many times, still fails. Simply put, they start believing that they are never meant to succeed. It’s easier that way, most would say, when you have accepted that you are a failure. A loser in the game of life.

This is where i am right now. Defeat after defeat. Failure after failure. Slowly, in front of me i am seeing the demise of my pride, my dreams, and everything else. I am tired, I want to give up. It’s no longer something i could live with. It’s no longer something i could let others take the hit for. The suffering for.

I honestly want to quit. To surrender. And God knows i’ve been ready for so long now.

*yes, that picture has nothing to do with the entry.


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